Why? Questions! Once upon a time, as children, we were question machines. The incessant, non-stop “why? Why? Why?” Testing the patience of our parents. They went from patiently answering our questions to responding with “because I said so” or “stop asking so many questions.” We were such curious beings… wanting to understand anything and everything, so eager to learn. And then we stopped asking questions or the questions changed. Why? Somewhere along the way we moved from open curiosity to feeling we were suppose to already know all the answers.
Being in an internal state of curiosity is a great internal resource for us. Asking questions, especially powerful questions, is a great resource for us. Without asking questions, we are in the position of assuming. Assuming what we know is accurate, assuming we know what the other person is thinking, assuming we have all the information, assuming our beliefs are the right beliefs.
For some of us, we may not ask questions externally, but have internal questions non-stop. Our questions, our language, has a powerful impact on others and ourselves. We are always influencing. The question is “how are you influencing yourself? Others?”
What if you added back “asking powerful questions” for yourself internally? Externally? What might you learn? How might you grow? What would happen if you entered into conversations with an internal state of “curiosity” about what the other person believes? Or what’s possible? How might that impact your state of mind? Your happiness?
According to Carol Dweck, author of MINDSET, you can approach the world with a GROWTH mindset or a FIXED mindset. Each of those mindsets impacts the questions you ask. And those questions, in turn, either limit or create the possibilities you experience.
Whereas someone with a FIXED mindset will ask questions like
- What’s wrong with them?
- What’s wrong with me?
- Why bother?
- Haven’t we done that before?
- How can I make/prove they’re wrong?
- Who’s to blame?
- I’m not responsible, why waste my time?
Someone with a GROWTH mindset will ask questions like
- What do I appreciate about them?
- What do I appreciate about me?
- What’s possible?
- How can I look at this differently?
- What’s the possibility?
- What’s useful in what I’m hearing?
- How can I use this?
- What’s my part?
- What can I learn?
- How can we grow?
Slowing down and asking questions from a place of curiosity (like GROWTH mindset) pays big dividends – for ourselves, for others and for our learning. Think about developing a strong GROWTH mindset the same way you would think about gaining any new skill. What has to happen for you to become proactive in asking GROWTH mindset questions? What works for you in building a new skill? How do you reinforce what you are learning? What strategies have worked for you before? In what other contexts can you use those strategies?
What is possible by changing your relationship with questions? You will never know unless you try.